Party in the Mansion
by Dark Phoenix
Summary: ::an anvil falls from the sky and hits Cid on the head:: (Sequal to In Search of Seph.)


Author's Notes: Oh my god! Thank you CloudXIII Strife! I'm a horrible speller. Anyway. You guys asked for it so decided to make fun of the most bizarre, freakiest and greatest games I have ever played!  
DP  
  
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Cid: Hey! I think the voice fainted!  
  
Sephiroth: About time. I couldn't hear mine over yours.  
  
Cid: Well, what are yours saying?  
  
Sephiroth: They are saying.... *grins evilly* That we should have a party now that your voice is out of the way.  
  
Cid: Awesome! I'll invite everyone!  
  
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::Later, back at the ShinRa Mansion, to Vincent's dismay, a rave party was taking. There were strobe lights flashing and loud music threatening to tear the place apart. In the crowd several people could be seen. Sephiroth, Vincent, Cid and Nanaki were there of course. So were Reeve and Cait Sith, Yuffie, Barret, Tifa, The Turks, including Tseng, Resurrected Rufus, and just about everyone else in the FF7 Universe. Just as Rob Zombie faded into the background the doors to the ShinRa Mansion flew open, three figures walking threw. It was Heidgger, Scarlet, and Hojo!::  
  
Scarlet: Kyahahahahaha! Looks like Avalanche is having a party.  
  
Heidgger: Gwahahahahaha! I wonder what the occasion is?  
  
Scarlet: Kyahahahaha! Let's go dancing!  
  
Heidgger: Gwahahahaha! Sure!  
  
Hojo: Shut up you failures! We're here to crash the party, not join it.  
  
::Hojo made his way to the jukebox in the back of the room and half way across the floor he came face to face with Vincent, the crowd splitting to leave a large circle around the two.::  
  
Hojo: Heh. You? You standing in my way again?  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
Hojo: Out of my way, failure.  
  
Vincent: I challenge you.  
  
Hojo: Really? Then have at you!  
  
::Vincent and Hojo ready themselves, the crowd quite, ready for the battle. Suddenly the music starts up again. It's Metallica, 'Fuel'. To the amazement of the crowd the two start head banging! The crowd cheers wildly and a mosh pit starts around the two head bangers. Hojo attempts a new snappy dance step during the guitar rift and moves aside to allow Vincent to try his hand.::  
  
Scarlet: Kyahahahha! He'll never beat that!  
  
Heiddger: Gwahahahaha! No way in hell!  
  
Cid: Kick his sorry @#$%&*^ @$$, you @#$%en Vampire!  
  
Nanaki: Go Valentine! Show him what you're made of!  
  
Hojo: I know what he's made of! I remade him!  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
::Vincent starts break dancing, spinning about and flipping like a psychotic suicidal acrobat.::  
  
Tifa: Go Vincent!  
  
Barret: Yo! Fool Vince! Kick their asses!  
  
::Vincent does a grand finish with a bizarre combination of special effects. Hojo is suddenly a frog, mini, and poisoned. Vincent quickly shoves the chain saw under his cap before anyone can notice. Nanaki decides to chase the tiny frog.::  
  
Reeve & Cait Sith: Wow Vincent! Where did you learn that move?  
  
Vincent: Dance Dance Revolution, 5th Mix.  
  
::Sephiroth walks up behind Vincent and pats him of the shoulder, his other hand occupied by a Jell-O Shooter.::  
  
Sephiroth: Wow! You kicked Dad's *hic* ass!  
  
Vincent: He is not your father.  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah man! I know! Dad's such a pansy ass! *hic*  
  
::Sephiroth wobbles off, laughing maniacally over the tunes of some intense Techno.::  
  
Vincent: Grrr.......  
  
::Suddenly the jukebox ignites into flames and a booming voice comes from Cid, even though he's currently trying not to choke on a beer.::  
  
DP: Cid! I am so gonna kill you!  
  
Cid: *Gag* It's not my fault! Sephiroth did it!  
  
Sephiroth: It's Cid's *hic* fault!  
  
Cid: It's Sephiroth's!  
  
Sephiroth: Cid!  
  
DP: Shut up! It's both of yours fault! Now I'm gonna burn the mansion down with you in it just because I'm evil!  
  
Sephiroth: I'm the evil one here, lady, so back off! *hic*  
  
DP: Yhahahahahahahha! You're to drunk to be evil!  
  
Sephiroth: Wanna bet!  
  
::Sephiroth pulls out Masamune and slices a main pillar in half, it and part of the room collapsing over them. Everyone runs trying to avoid the falling debris.::  
  
Sephiroth: See! I'm evil!   
  
DP: Oh yeah!  
  
::DP turns Scarlet and Heidgger into mushrooms.::  
  
Scarlet: Kyahahahaha!  
  
Heidgger: Gwahahahahah!  
  
::Sephiroth stares at the mushroom and quickly steps on them.::  
  
Sephiroth: Fine! Laughing mushrooms are evil but I can think of something worse!  
  
DP: What could that be?   
  
Sephiroth: A drunk Ninja.  
  
::As if on cue Yuffie swaggers into the room, a martini glass in hand.::  
  
Yuffie: He he he...  
  
::Yuffie collapses against Reno and clings to him, talking about nonsense. Reno starts screaming like a little baby and tries to get away from the amazingly strong arms of the inhibited::  
  
Reno: Oh my god! Get it off! I'm to sober for this! Dear god just kill me!  
  
::Elena Rude and Tseng try to pry the Ninja girl from Reno but they can't do it.::  
  
Yuffie: Leave ma Reno ayone! *Performs Doom of the Living*  
  
::Reno takes out his nightstick and shoves Yuffie in the back with it half way threw her limit break. She flies across the room, her alcohol soaked blood igniting her in a giant fire ball::  
  
Yuffie: EAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
DP: OMG! *ROFL* That wasn't scary, that was funny! I'll show you something scary!  
  
::The room fell silent, everyone waiting for DP's comes back to the frightening sight. Nothing happened for a long time.::  
  
Sephiroth: She's bluffing! Let's kick Cid's ass!  
  
Cid: *chokes on beer* What! Why you kicking my ass you sorry @#$%  
  
Sephiroth: She's the voice in your head.  
  
Cid: It's not my fault!  
  
::Before the angry mob can jump poor drunk Cid the doors fly open again. Everyone gasps as none other than Aeris and Cloud walk in.::  
  
Aeris: Omg! A party! This is so sweet! I brought music! Who want's to listen to Backstreet Boys!  
  
Cloud: Yeah! Me me! And I have the new Teletubies: the Movie!  
  
::The room stands still for a moment, in shock, watching the two new comers. Then with a sudden realization of the torture that has been brought upon them they start screaming and trying to run away. Since Cloud and Aeris are blocking the front door they start throwing themselves out windows or just cower in corners. Only one man stands to confront the two, and it's Rufus.::  
  
Rufus: That is vile! I sentence you two to be publicly executed!  
  
::The crowd cheers wildly.::  
  
Aeris: Oh Ruffy! You're so cute!  
  
::Aeris runs up and glomps Rufus.::  
  
Rufus: Can't breath! .... Everything... so pink! Help..... Me.....  
  
Elena: Omg! Some one help Rufus before that Happy Pink Altruist kills him with her Fan Girl Glomp!  
  
Aeris: NO! Ruffy's mine! All mine!  
  
::Aeris runs away with Rufus. Tifa then runs up to a dumbfounded Cloud and hugs him.::  
  
Tifa: Mine! All mine! Finally! That bitch is gone!  
  
Barret: No Tifa! Don't touch him!  
  
Tifa: Huh?  
  
::Suddenly Tifa kills over.::  
  
Hojo (as a frog): It's the virus! Mwahahahaha! I new it would work! It will fill the mind of anyone that comes in contact with him to go threw a life of torture involving Teletubies, the Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, and anything that pink cute or fluffy in just a few seconds at which point the shock of the event kills the victim! I am a genius!  
  
Barret: Tifa! I knew you was bad since I first saw you SOLDIER! Now I'm gonna kill you!  
  
::Barret starts shooting Cloud with his gun as he stands even more dumbfounded over Tifa. Unfortunately the bullets bounce off.::  
  
Reeve & Cait Sith: Oh no! The virus is to strong even for Mr. T! We're all gonna die!  
  
::Reeve and Cait Sith jump out the same window.::   
  
Barret: I am not Mr. T, yo fool!  
  
DP: I pity the fool! I pity the fool!   
  
::DP laughs hysterically while everyone runs around screaming while Cloud runs around crying.::  
  
Cloud: Why doesn't anyone love me! Why does everyone I love die! Why! Someone! Hold me!  
  
::Cloud corners Sephiroth. Sephiroth tries to find a way out of the corner but there is none.::  
  
Cloud: Sephy-po!  
  
Sephiroth: Aaaahhhhh!!!!!!!  
  
::Sephiroth flashes away. Cloud turns, trying to find Sephiroth. Then he sees Cid pounding his head against the wall.::  
  
Cid: Shut. Up. Shut. Up. Shut. Up.  
  
Cloud: Cid!  
  
Cid: Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Cid!  
  
Cid: Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Cid!  
  
::Cloud runs toward Cid and hugs him. Cid screams.::  
  
Cid: It touched me! It touched me! Oh for the love of @#$%en god! Save me!  
  
DP: NO! Cloud! Let go!  
  
::Cloud continues to hug Cid.::  
  
DP: NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
::Cloud pulls away suddenly, grabbing his head.::  
  
Cloud: They're screaming! The voices!   
  
DP: Dear god! I've been switched! I'm in Cloud's head! Kill him! KILLLLLL HIM! Oh my god! The torture! Oh dear god! It's! It's! The Backstreet Boys!!!!!  
  
Cid: Let her stay in there! That #$&*(&%*(%&()@#*$@($&#$)&$*(&@#$*#!!!!!!  
  
::Sephiroth reappears::  
  
Sephiroth: No! No creature deserves the torture inside that head. I've been there. It's hell.  
  
Cid: Fine! We'll kick his butt RPG style.  
  
Sephiroth: Sit back, old man, you're still weak from the virus. Who will help me destroy the virus!  
  
::Vincent and Reno come rushing out of the crowd.::  
  
Reno: Heh! This will be a piece a cake.  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
Sephiroth: All right. Let's go!  
  
::Reno, Vincent and Sephiroth lined up next to each other, facing Cloud, drawing their weapons. Reno goes first, shoving his nightstick into Cloud's neck. Sephiroth jumps forward, slicing at Cloud with his sword and then jumping back. Vincent cast a lightning spell. All three appear to have had no effect.::  
  
Cloud: *sniff* No one loves me.... Fine!  
  
::Cloud pulls out a red and white ball and holds in front of him.::  
  
Reno: Holy Shit! It can't be!  
  
Sephiroth: Of all the unholy, down right dirty moves....  
  
Vincent: Damn....  
  
Cloud: Pikachu! I chose you!  
  
::None other than the Spawn of Satan pops out of the red and white ball, Pikachu. Everyone shrinks away from the yellow mouse type creature and it smiles sweetly.::  
  
Pikachu: Pika!  
  
Everyone: .....!?!  
  
Pikachu: Pika?  
  
::With out warning Nanaki pounces on the Pikachu, tearing it to shreds. The crowd cheers wildly as he walks away proudly. Then a gasp is heard. With the juke box still playing Tool begins to play 'Skishem.'::  
  
Choco Bob: Look!  
  
::Pikachu's body melts in a silvery liquid and pulls together into a pool in the center of the room. The form of Pikachu slowly forms from the liquid and becomes solid.::  
  
Priscilla: We're all gonna die!  
  
::Pikachu shoots a lightning bolt from his tail that fries Priscilla to a crisp. It then turns to the three fighters.::  
  
Pikachu: PikaCHU!  
  
::An explosion of lightning crashes into the three. They quickly jump back to their feet. Reno puts the opaque pyramid around Pikachu and Sephiroth cast Supernova. Vincent turned into Chaos and cast Satan Slam on Pikachu and it was banished back to the ninth ring of hell. And there was much rejoicing.::  
  
Reno: All right!  
  
::Reno exchanges a high five with Sephiroth.::  
  
Sephiroth: Great job, Vince. To think my dad put that ugly bastard in you.  
  
Vincent: Hojo is not your father.  
  
::Sephiroth looks a little surprised, since got sobered in the fight.::  
  
Sephiroth: Then who is?  
  
Reno: He is!  
  
::Reno grabs Vincent's bandana and cloak and runs away laughing before Vince could tear him to shreds. Sephiroth looks at Vincent.::  
  
Sephiroth: Uh...  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
Elena, Yuffie, and every other female that is still alive and present: Awwwwww...  
  
Sephiroth: ......  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
Sephiroth: Daddy!   
  
::Sephiroth glomps Vincent who gasp and disappears. There's a clatter in the direction Reno ran and he runs back out, laughing hard. Vincent follows him, aiming for Reno with a shotgun, but misses and blows Cloud's head off. Cloud falls over dead. There is more rejoicing.::  
  
DP: I'm free! I'm free! At last! Sweet freedom!  
  
::DP materializes in the room. She has black hair and sunglasses and is wearing all black.::  
  
DP: MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Finally! I am free to run rampant!  
  
::DP runs out the mansion.::  
  
Sephiroth: I think that means the fic's over.  
  
Cid: Kewl, Seph, Vince, Reno. Let's go get some beer and watch some po-  
  
::An anvil falls on Cid's head.::  
  
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Author's Note: Hey, Kat_Aclysm, thank you for viewing despite my warnings. I usually don't write script style. I just decided this would be funnier if it was in script form. I have two stories, even though they're more serious, that are not script form and I pride myself on them. Please do read them though, I'm stuck on both and could use some prodding. There's Games, which is an FF7 alternate Universe Fic, and Fallen Heaven, which is an original work. I'll try to put up funnier stuff more often, though. I've noticed people read them more than the serious ones. Thanks all!  
DP  



End file.
